Questions and comments from people are great and makes me think - helping people pleases me and offers many lessons too. Keep your questions and comments coming!
This came from someone who wanted advice on etiquette or maybe just to clarify her feelings: "We were all standing in a group chatting and feeling great. Then Julie from downstairs ambled up right in the middle of Corey's story. I intended to introduce Julie however before I could say anything, Heather went ahead and did it. I couldn't believe she just jumped right in like that, it made me mad and I felt foolish. I think Heather is rude and controlling don't you agree?"
The real question is: who is this person really mad at? Is it Heather for introducing Julie or herself for not doing the introduction? I suspect it would be more truthful to suggest she's mad at herself though it's easier to blame Heather.
Whenever you find yourself upset about a social interaction ask a deeper question: was there a seed of truth in what happened or is it you?
Another question I use a lot: Is something amiss or is it me? It pains me to note how often it's me - though the more aware I become the less that's true.
This has happened to all of us. We neglect to do something that should have been obvious. Like make an introduction, or toasting the guest, or commenting on how nice someone looks. Then someone else steps in and does it for us. This can leave us feeling perplexed and foolish which in turn makes us strike out at the other person.
"I can't believe they just jumped in like that and introduced themselves!" I've heard people say "I was just about ready to do it!" or "I don't know where his or her manners are" spoken to a friend at a wedding, "everyone knows the best man is the first to toast." Or even, "I intended to tell her how great the new look was and then Jennifer stole my chance."
I always wonder why people bother to put others down when they are obviously doing something nice. I think it's because the person who is criticizing may be upset they didn't do it first, or didn't react well. Either way it's not rude behavior on anyone's part but the critic.
My mother, and no doubt your mother, used to say, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" and this is still good advice!
Criticism, especially in public and particularly in this instance - is less than gracious and usually makes the one doing the criticizing not only look bad, it puts any one that hears it in an uncomfortable position.
So here's the solution:
Be quick to comment, compliment, introduce and all those other social niceties that make the world work. If you do that you will have no one to blame but yourself for all the good will, great relationships and wonderful feelings that pour towards you.
If you get criticism for being such a quick to the point goodwill provider, simply smile - Because criticism, even if you think it's true, is a poor reflection on you!
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